Jeff left for Tokyo early morning of Saturday in classic Jeffrey fashion.
He woke me up at around 5:30 a.m. – but don’t trust me on the accuracy of this narrative as I was only half awake that time – and asked me if I had money to spare for a weary traveler who needs to pay for terminal fee and buy himself a breakfast meal at the Mactan Cebu International Airport.
Jeff was in Japan for a couple of days for a business trip. He spent the weekend in the very same city where the 2020 Summer Olympics will take place.
He arrived in Cebu today, around 6:00 p.m., and went straight to S & R and bought all types of food to stick in our freezer and refrigerator, which were both empty when I left home this morning.
Writing this in the airport while waiting for my flight to Manila and then a connecting flight to Beijing for a journalism workshop which this mother will attend representing the local daily I write for.
I love work trips like this. I’m a nerd and I love going on study tours to exercise my brain.
But to leave home also pains my heart. Correct me if I am wrong but I guess that’s just how regular working mothers feel every time they leave their children.
I haven’t seen my husband for four days. With this weeklong trip, it will be 11/12 days before we see each other again. But we keep each other updated via Facebook, Gmail and Skype. We edit each other’s works most of the time. A few minutes ago, he reminded me to write my Saturday column for Cebu Daily News, which I already submitted yesterday. So… that part of my long list of deliverables is done! Hooray!
Last night, Nicholas told me he loves me and that I’m the “best Cris in the world of Cris,” whatever that means. This morning, Antoinette whispered her morning greetings with a tender kiss on my lips and then caressed my face before saying, “Nanay, you’re very pretty.” Jeffrey Peter Jr. headbutted me! Ha! That was painful but he laughed at me when I cried so I just kissed and inhaled all that baby smell which reminded me of the day he was born; him being so huge and long, he didn’t come out the regular way.
You guess it right, I’m teary eyed while writing this because that’s just me… weepy, emotional, sentimental Nanay who will always be torn between pursuing her personal dreams and serving her family.
The key is balance.
I get it.
Or perhaps, I haven’t completely get it.
Balance is a hard word to practice. And even if people praise me for being the ultimate juggler of responsibilities, I am not one to glamorize the life being lived by working mothers.
Because…
Every day is a crossroad.
Every day, I am faced with two choices: stay home to snuggle, cuddle and play with the mutants all day or leave home to walk, work and write.
Every day, I leave with the red face of Jeff Junior screaming for “Mom” as Ate Joy picks him up and takes him away from the door.
Every day, my heart breaks.
In a way, I’m selfish.
I can choose not to work. My husband can very well feed me. But I have dreams of my own and I love to fulfill them.
That’s why I leave home, the husband and the kids. That’s why, I strive to strike that balance; to practice that proverbial balance even when it can be one herculean task.
A woman is more than just a wife and a mother. A woman is her own queendom, with her own powers to use, with her innate strength to showcase and nurture.
To suppress that is to deny myself the chance to become a better woman.
