My husband Jeff and I celebrated four years of being together just last month.
It’s crazy.
Four years passed by like a careless breeze on a cool spring morning and here we are married with three children.
I was not excited about marriage.
Growing up, I wasn’t the type who pictured myself in a wedding gown, walking down the aisle to meet the man of my dreams. (In third year high school, a teacher required us to work on a portfolio on our dream wedding. I was not too enthusiastic about it. My brother designed my “wedding gown”).
I didn’t like — and still don’t — weddings.
I wasn’t a pessimist.
I just felt like there was so much superficiality and pretentions in the marriages and weddings I’ve witnessed that it was difficult for me to subject myself to lilies, champagne, and wedding cake.
When Jeff came into my life, I was in the stage where I was somewhat convinced that I will be spending the rest of my life in perpetual singularity.
For the record, I wasn’t sad or desperate about that realization.
In truth, I was perfectly content.
I just bought myself a small property in which I viewed to be my home in the years to come. I was ready to go on another adventure: to study abroad once again and improve my craft.
I was getting my papers ready along with thinking about what I will do on the last year I spent with my job in social development and journalism when Jeff sent me a smile.
From there, every single part of my plan changed.
I knew when I first talked to him that he was going to end up to be my husband. But I refused to acknowledge it because I was worried about the age difference (he is 29 years older than me) and I didn’t want to get stared at by people back home for being the girl from the Pacific who snagged herself a white partner.
But Jeff was persistent.
He wrote me love letters. Every. Single. Day.
He told me about his childhood memories, his parents and siblings, his former marriage, his career, his hopes and dreams, his passion for the Olympics, his love of Heavenly Father, his commitment to be the best in his own sphere of influence.
I saw a person who was completely different from me, accomplished and successful in his field but humble enough to acknowledge that there will always be someone better so he needs to constantly improve his skills to up his game.
He respected my views, listened to my opinions, and valued my judgment. I wasn’t put in the pedestal all the time but I wasn’t looked down either. There was a healthy debate, a scholarly exchange of thoughts, and lots of funny conversations.
That hasn’t changed since that time I responded to his smile.
When we got married, I chose very few people to attend the ceremony. There were only 14 people there including us, the couple. We made it that way because we wanted the wedding to be our moment surrounded by people who are most important to us and in our union.
If there’s one thing constant in my world, it is definitely Jeff.
A former flame once told me that he finds married couples “boring”. He told me that marriage makes people feel trapped and limited. He said marriage conform to traditions when there is no need to accept an institution that has proven to be a catalyst of pain and hurt.
I wish to get in touch with him one of these days because marriage means so much to me than a blind nod to a societal norm.
Marriage is a leap of faith. You don’t know exactly what will happen in the coming days, months, and years but that is where commitment and patience come in… you need these not just to make the marriage work but to make the marriage healthy and happy.
Marriage is when you can finally say to yourself that you’ve grown up because you are willing to set aside your self-centered beliefs and actually listen to another person, your spouse.
And… marriage is certainly not boring. Jeff and I certainly are not even with three children below three years old who eat and scream non-stop. Three nights ago, I woke him up at 3:00 a.m. and asked him about his Dad and he told me about the pranks he pulled on his Dad when Jeff was already in college at the Brigham Young University in Utah. We laughed so hard our jaws and stomachs hurt so bad.
I thank the Lord for four years of love and light.
Jeff has been patient and enduring of my tantrums and mood swings. I know myself more than anyone else so I know I can be very difficult and demanding but Jeff, my dear Jeff, has always been supportive and consistent. He never left my side even when in times of weakness, I threatened to walk away.
I love you Jeffrey.
Thank you for saying “yes” and thank you for asking me… again. 😄
