I planned to take a long, warm shower. But shortly after I wet my hair, what used to be warm was replaced by an icy cold gush from the shower. “I’m going to execute Jeff right now. I told him to NOT run a hot wash when I’m in the shower.”
I was ready to get out of the bathroom, wrap myself in towels, and storm to wherever he was at and lash out. How dare he took away the only few minutes I get to spend with myself outside breastfeeding and diaper-changing?! I don’t deserve this.
But I promised myself that this year, I will practice the pause wherever I may be, whatever I am feeling, whenever a particular feeling hits me wherever. So before I grabbed the first towel my short arms could reach, I paused.
Did I really tell Jeff not to run the hot wash when I’m in the shower? Uhm, I don’t think I did.
Do I really need a warm shower? I did! It was two degrees outside. But is the water coming out of the shower really ice cold? Ah, not really. Lukewarm actually. Not the warm, hot water I like but it’s definitely not ice cold. Can I finish my shower with this lukewarm water? Yes.
Do I really need to be that angry? No.
Just like that, I calmed down.
I got out of the shower feeling cold, still. But I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t angry. I was calm.
Today, I cooked chicken soup; baked my own version of peanut butter-chocolate cookies and my Bundt cake with a minty-chocolatey twist. Today, I put away four baskets of clean clothes – and was proud of myself for doing that. Today, I spent an hour hugging my daughter just because I wanted to.
Today, I thanked Jeff for everything that he does for the family. Today, I got a free calendar in the mail with some coupons – surprise!- from a pancake brand that we love. Today, Nicholas looked me in the eye, planted a quick kiss on my lips, and then hugged me as he said “Mom”.
Today, I “talked” to my three-month-old son, Jeff Junior whom I love to call my Pedro, and I had a blast. He is an intelligent little man who now knows how to rolls to his side. I just folded six more onesies that don’t fit his long, heavy body anymore.
I whined today about the clothes that I need to put away. And that’s it. That’s a change because I can whine about all things.
When I got out of the shower, I told myself to remind myself this when I am in the brink of whining: Be thankful about what you have right now, you didn’t have them before.
Not many people are blessed to make something out of themselves, to be married to a man who doesn’t mind washing dishes and ironing clothes, to be blessed with a warm home in the midst of winter.
On this second day of January and the rest of the days to come this year and beyond this year, I refuse to let boredom overcome me. I refuse to succumb to depression and fall into a state of despair. I refuse to treat myself and my loved ones with the foul mood and negativity that we don’t deserve.
Gotta love this pause exercise.
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T30WC or The 30-minute Writing Challenge is a writing exercise born out of this blogger’s need to maintain a habit of writing. Subjects of each writing challenge is just about anything but should ONLY be written within 30 minutes.
