I was supposed to start sifting through the 988 photos I took on my individual trips with my three children but I thought that it is more urgent to write about this topic first.
Antoinette, 8, is growing at a rate Jeff and I didn’t expect. Most people think she’s 12 years old. She is doing so well in academics. When she talks, I stop because she’s so eloquent. Better than me when I was her age and that fills my heart with so much joy. She loves Math although she’s having a challenging time with division these days. I love how she embraces History and Literature with so much excitement. She had little interest in painting in the last year or so but that energy was transferred to yoga, boxing, and dancing.
She runs her little business, Karinderya ni Tonya, which sells ginisang hipon (sautéed shrimp paste) and garlic-chili paste. It has been doing so well that I had to advise her to focus on that first and take a step back from Tindahan ni Tonya, which sells books and school supplies.
We’ve been pretty active with the 2022 elections here in the Philippines. We campaigned for an honest, transparent, and accountable government and poured our hearts into it. We joined rallies, parades, and house-to-house campaigns. So when the unofficial election results came in on the evening of May 9, we wept for the Philippines that we dreamed for. We’re slowly recovering from that heartbreak. We’re working on their Science and Technology Fair that will happen on June 11 at Robinsons Galleria and we’re cruising through the last four weeks of homeschooling before Antoinette and Nicholas celebrate their ninth birthday on the first of July and then their Sportsfest and Recognition Day the following day, July 2.
We’re busy bees! More so with Antoinette who has taken on the responsibility of being the house manager and her Dad’s assistant.
She really has surprised us with her superb organizational skills and her discipline to keep things (and her brothers) in order.
We’ve also seen how her appetite exponentially grew and we’re more than happy because this girl was a picky eater. When she came out into this world, at 36 weeks, she only weighed 5.6 pounds versus her brother’s 6.4 pounds. She didn’t immediately enjoy breast milk. In fact, when the nurse brought her mouth to my breast, she was motionless. I overheard the nurse saying that the baby has “no sucking reflexes.” That alarmed me because her twin brother was the opposite. He loved breast milk and won’t stop feeding.
Inside the recovery room, I pestered every medical personnel who came in to check on my daughter. I told my husband to call the nursery every hour even when I was still groggy from all the meds in my system.
Antoinette was so tiny, I was so scared to hold her or change her diapers. It was her Dad who taught me how to handle her. She was a fuzzy baby too. While Nicholas was calm and chill, Antoinette can bring total annihilation to a peaceful dawn of slumber.
She eventually caught up size-wise with Nicholas but she would refuse food that she didn’t like. “She eats like a bird,” was her Dad’s usual quip during mealtime.
Moving around the Philippines, China, and the US, we’ve witnessed how her eating habits evolved from disdain over green, leafy vegetables to love for anything that is rich in protein, vitamins, and minerals.
She was a tiny, tall girl when the Covid-19 pandemic locked us down. Two years later, to our surprise, she is not tiny anymore. She is tall, taking after her Dad’s height. Everything has grown with Antoinette and we weren’t prepared for it. I once told her that I’m not ready for her physical growth and her reply was, “This is normal and natural. Human beings grow.”
I know I’m her mother which follows that I will always be proud of her. I will, most of the time, put her on a pedestal. But I swear, this girl is so amazing you’ll think she’s not eight. Our neighbors think so. She’s driven and focused. She’s funny and she’s organized.
I love how she’s putting on weight because I know it’s from the home-cooked meals we cook in our home. Of course, we do enjoy occasional fast-food treats but as my husband would put it, “Your Mom and I can cook so you’re eating the best food.”
So imagine my anger when, on more than one occasion, when someone exclaims in surprise how “fat” my daughter is.
“Ayaw na na pakan-a og daghan kay gwapa kaayo sya. Sayang kun mo-tambok.”
(Do not let her eat a lot because she’s so pretty. It’ll be a waste if she ends up fat.)
“Uy, naunsa. Ni tambok man ang Amerkana.”
(What happened? Why is the American girl getting fat?)
The worse encounter is when these unscrupulous individuals tell Antoinette to “stop eating because you’re getting fat.”
I tried to be nice in two or three of these encounters and have quietly shut them down. But it seems like they’re growing like the troll farms in this age of fake news and disinformation.
So here’s me, mother and woman, putting it out there: STOP POISONING THE MINDS OF YOUNG GIRLS WITH YOUR TWISTED VERSION OF BEAUTY!
We breed a toxic culture where girls grow up to be unhappy, insecure women because of people like you. People like you plant the seeds of hatred in their own bodies. It is people like you, who force girls to believe your archaic views of beauty, that push many of them to develop negative thoughts.
Take it from me.
I grew up being constantly told that I was ugly. It took therapy sessions, and thousands of pesos (and dollars) to get to where I am now: to realize that I am beautiful no matter what shape or size I am in.
I despise how society labels healthy and active girls as “fat” because they do not conform to the skinny archetype of beauty that has been impressed on us for ages. The mortal sin of all is when this is subscribed to growing girls like my Antoinette. They don’t need it. Comments like the ones I shared above are rude and offensive.
If you or your children are subjected to these comments, shut them down immediately. Do not be nice. Correct them upon encounter because they will just continue to hurt others if you let them be.
If you are one of the nasty-sayers, I suggest treading the waters carefully even if you mean well. Never do this in public. If you’re worried about the weight’s impact on the health of the person concerned, do so with sensitivity and compassion.
I write this as a woman and as a mother. If you agree with what I wrote, spread the word. If you don’t, God bless you.
