Truth to be told, I didn’t see myself moving to this country. But here I am, writing these seven realizations after a year of living in the US.
I need to be honest.
I have always viewed the US as a country that is nice to visit but not as the country where I will reside. But fate is tricky and God is a comedian so… last year, after months of deliberation and weighing pros and cons, Jeff and the then pregnant me decided to uproot our lives in China and move to Jeff’s birth country.
Many people told me I am lucky because I married an American. That means automatic green card. If only they know how much paperwork it entails to do that — and how I fought against myself to accept the fact that I am now living “alone” in a country away from my immediate relatives.
Here are my seven realizations after a year of living in the US:
1. You depend on you.
The barrage of questions came from my Mom the other day during a Skype call.
How do you manage three kids?
What do you do when you’re tired?
What if you’re sick? Who takes care of the kids?
What about household chores?
My short answer was: “I take care of them to the best of my ability.”
That’s true.
Really.
There is no choice but to get up and do the job even when I want to curl up in bed and cover myself in the most comfortable comforter. There are three kids screaming in the other room wanting to be changed, to be fed, to be entertained.
So… yes, for the most part, I depend on ME. Well, Jeff is there of course. But my husband is working the whole day so the household management is my job, taking care of the children is my job, taking care of myself is my job.
2. Gotta learn to drive
American love their cars. I’ve been perpetually scared of driving. I have this image etched in my brain and occurs repeatedly in my dreams that I will die of a car crash. I never dared hold a steering wheel. Last week, Jeff brought me to a parking lot and let me “drive”. More accurately, he taught me how to cruise, how to hold the steering wheel in a 10-2 o’clock position, where’s the brake and the gas, and how to feel in control.
I felt proud of myself. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I was excited. There is still so much to learn but I made the first step.
My brother-in-law, Joe Ruffolo, said “Driving is freedom.”
He’s right.
I will be able to take the kids to places and not just rely on Jeff or the taxi company.
3. Still judged by skin color
My skin is brown and my hair is black. I don’t blend in in a country that is predominantly white/Caucasian. Several times in public offices (read: Court House), in museums, and in restaurants I have been treated so badly because of my appearance. One time, I overheard this old lady whispering to her daughter: “Oh my, she’s Filipino? She must have that annoying accent.” But…
4. …humility is the best policy
Following No. 3, I realized that in this country, humility is the best policy. Some people are close minded because they haven’t been to the other side. It is a basic human instinct to be defensive. I am a prideful person and I don’t want to be treated like a piece of trash or be discriminated at. But… I have to remind myself that there are people in this part of the world who haven’t even seen the world beyond this state, I just have to be humble and be patient.
5. Filipinos are everywhere.
I’ve been here for a year but it was only last May 6, Mother’s Day, when I decided to mingle with the other Filipinos here. I didn’t realize there are so many of us up here in Montana. The women I met belong to a happy, upbeat, laugh-all-you-want batch.
6. The convenience of drive-thrus
Americans loves their cars, Americans love their drive-thrus. Last year, we were on the road for 10 days from California to Montana. We lived in Marriott hotels and mostly subsisted on fast food.
7. Massage is a luxury
Tmost affordable massage rate is $70 per hour. When I told my therapist that in the Philippines, you can get a massage for $5 an hour, her jaw fell. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she exclaimed!
“I’m not.”
So ladies and gentlemen, expect to see me in legitimate massage centers come July/August when I visit home because seriously, I am going to treat my body with so much pampering.
