Parenting Nicholas has been so challenging the last few weeks. So much tears were shed from both sides. Recalling what happened still brings me intense sadness.
But after every dark episode in this learning curve of parenting, I always ask my children: “How do we move forward from this?”
Nicholas said “by saying sorry.”
And so I did.
I said “sorry” first.
We cried again.
Together.
And then he said: “Ma, I never want you to be this angry again so I will be better.”
I cried some more and apologized to my boy.
Again.
At this point, I was overwhelmed by guilt.
I should have exercised more patience. But I didn’t. I should have listened to him more and not let anger consume me.
I should have…
I should have…
I should have…
But what is done is done.
Nicholas and I discussed our emotions. It was a long discussion in between sobs and hugs. Moving forward, he said he needs to have more Mama-and-Nick dates so he can share his thoughts and ask me more questions. He wants to have more time with his Dad too.
I am so grateful that my son can tell me all these. That he feels safe to share his emotions to me.
It also made me realize that nobody can ever claim to be a parenting expert. This job is the toughest one in the entire universe! It squeezes the life out of you but it also refuels you and brings life to you. You don’t stop being scared when you’re a parent but there are many moments when joy just fills you up! You find moments when you disappoint yourself but there times when you just know what contentment means.
The good news is: you are not the only one who’s messing up. Eventually, you’ll recover and you’ll do better.
You will be better at this.
This…parenting.
You won’t be the best at it. It’s only a toss between good and better.
So, yeah, we make mistakes. But we should always learn from them. Take physical and mental notes and do better next time.
Thankfully, there is a next time.
Good night! 🙂
