Motherhood is an oxymoron. It makes you happy tired. The moment those babies start popping, there’s no turning back.
Every day, I get headaches from all the mess in the house. The sound pressure my voice becomes noise from my speeches about putting back toys to its proper places, arranging books, and sweeping the floor.
By the end of this month, Ate Joy will go home to Leyte to be with her family. There will be no more stay-in helpers when she leaves. That means working out a home schedule that fits both Jeff and I’s work schedules. Of course, I’m the teacher to these three too so go figure how I manage my sanity.
Surprisingly, I manage to do so. Not easy but I am that guinea pig on a wheel just treading through this path. I get pissed in the process. I laugh a lot; cry a little. I teach myself to breathe in and breathe out. I sometimes scream. I often times retreat to my quiet place every day.
Describing this current situation as “challenging” is an understatement. It was already a constant battle BC (before coronavirus). With the global pandemic still in play, it’s difficult to assign an adjective to describe what we’re going through.
But I’m still grateful.
As the kids grow up, I find myself wanting to stay more at home. This pandemic made me learn so much about them. I see them grow and transform right before my eyes. These are precious moments; moments that can only be recorded by the lens of a mother’s heart.
It doesn’t look like it but JJ is actually still four years old. He’s turning five next week. How time flies. I gave birth to this boy without the usual crowd and support that surrounded me when I had the twins. But it helped shape the kind of mother that I wanted to be.
I made many decisions this year that changed the personal and professional aspects of my life. I am quite sad about some of them but I have no regrets.
I’m juggling so much these days and I’m adding more items to the entire circus. I’m editing papers, writing a thesis and articles, writing a book, and finishing another degrees. It’s overwhelming and I don’t often know where to start.
But all I’m thinking about tonight is cutting the multi-colored cartolina that my daughter prepared so we can start decorating the house for her baby brother’s birthday.
Priorities. ❤️
Hey Mommies and Nanays! It’s quite tough these days. But don’t forget to break free from the kids once in a while even if it means locking yourself in the restroom for one episode of that KDrama you love.
Hugs from Liloan!
