GUANGZHOU, CHINA – It has been two years since Jeff asked me to live in China with him so we don’t have this long distance relationship going on. Several times, I refused – not because I don’t love him enough to move to the Middle Kingdom but because I had a couple of commitments I need to honor in the Philippines. I asked him to give me until December 2013 to finish a contract with a foundation and wrap up my involvements in some organizations and projects. Jeff has been very patient and understanding.
In between paperworks and crazy schedules, the two of us managed to spend our long overdue honeymoon in Europe. We left the twins under the care of my mother and two very trustworthy househelps named Joy and Elsie. Back in the Philippines by mid-February after a 22-day sojourn around China, France and Germany, it was time to finalize things and prepare for the big leap forward to Guangzhou, China’s third largest city next to Beijing and Shanghai. A major work that we did in relation to the move was getting a new passport for me, where I am now Cris Evert Lato Ruffolo (goodbye Cris Evert Berdin Lato), and getting the twins their Filipino passports. We got our three Filipino passports in March 15. The next step was to run to the Chinese Consulate in Cebu – which by the way has moved to a new office at the 5th floor of Cebu I.T. Power/WiPro at the Cebu Business Park – for our Chinese visas. Everything sailed on smoothly including my slow exit as Chairperson of the Basadours. I am now Chairperson-on-leave and our Vice Chairperson, Lamar Legaspi, is now Acting Chairperson. The accomplishments and activities the the Basadours achieved in the last two years will only be magnified and replicated with Lamar at the helm of the organization. That gives me so much confidence because I know Lamar will never be alone. She is surrounded by the most committed, most passionate and most dedicated people in the world.
When I posted on Facebook that we successfully made it to Guangzhou last March 25, a Tuesday, my account was flooded with several comments and post messages asking how I managed to transport luggage and the twins to China…alone! Gladly, I did not have to do everything alone. Jeff flew in to Cebu on March 24 (a Monday). We checked in at the Waterfront Mactan on the same day because our flight the following day was at 6:00 a.m. and we didn’t really have the energy to wake up at 1:00 a.m. and hail a cab. Elsie and Joy were with us in the hotel and it was just heartbreaking to see them hugging and kissing the twins. The airport goodbye was the most emotional of all. My Mom was there at 3:00 a.m. with her incessant, never-ending reminder of making sure that the twins are well taken care of. But I think the moment went to Nicholas’ Ate Joy. She got my son, went to a corner, hugged him and cried so hard I could see her shoulders moving. Antoinette’s Ate Elsie was composed but I later learned from Mom that she immediately went inside our room in the apartment after we left and…cried.
I have said too many goodbyes in my life – work, relationships, friends, family. I couldn’t remember NOT crying in any of those situations. Surprisingly, I was able to hold back tears last March 25. I don’t know the reason why. Maybe because my eyes were not in crying mode at 4:00 a.m. or maybe I was just too overwhelmed thinking about the challenge of transporting the dynamic duo in a three-hour flight from Cebu to Hong Kong, and another three-hour land trip from Hong Kong to Guangzhou.
I could not describe here how stressed I was in the plane when Antoinette started screaming her lungs out for reasons I cannot explain. I did everything I can in my power to calm her down. But as it turned out, crying was a hobby she wanted to do while onboard. The dagger looks of other passengers were unbearable. Jeff kept on apologizing. I am just so thankful for kind people – like the woman (whose name I failed to ask) who took time to play with Toni – who assisted me in what started as a tormenting journey of managing screaming babies. The woman “talked” to Toni and that distracted her from crying. The Princes smiled and giggled. Halfway into the flight, Jeff said we should try staying at the back of the plane so we can also stretch out legs and give our seatmates a break. Back there, he met a guy from Texas. I could hear they were engaged in a conversation about baseball. Back in our seat after 30 minutes, I had to answer questions from two women. Here are some of the queries:
What does your husband do? Is he earning well?
Are you working? What’s your work?
Do you know that people speak Mandarin in China? Who speaks Mandarin?
Why is Nicholas bigger than Antoinette?
Where did you give birth? How much?
What’s your plan?
I felt like I was interrogated by two immigration officers. But don’t get me wrong, I am not at all pissed. For anything, the two women – who were vibrant and upbeat in their 60s – provided me that much needed company while being suspended on air. If you know what I mean. Jeff arranged for the car to pick up at the airport. Terrible traffic situation got in the way and that delayed our trip.
I give much credit to Jeff for preparing the hotel apartment way before our arrival. He had carefully arranged for two high chairs and two cribs and bought truckload (okay, I am exaggerating) of diapers and baby wipes. Milk and baby food were ready and all we need to was to be there.
We arrived at the Garden Hotel Apartment at 1:00 p.m. on March 25 and it has been crazy since then. I have screamed, shouted and Jeff and I have been getting on each other’s nerves in the last seven days. But we always manage to laugh at things and the twins over his homemade Italian pasta (the sauce he makes from scratch is amazing) and my Filipino adobo.
I have been insistent on not getting any househelp in the next two weeks so I can see if I am able and capable of managing two active children. It’s been tough because I was never without help in the last eight or nine months. But doing this on my own – well, not really because Jeff is doing the cooking because he is currently working from home – I learned to appreciate my Mother more. If you are reading this and you are not a Mother, gosh! Go out and thank your Mother for the great job she has done. I don’t think I will be the same person again after changing so many diapers, washing so many milk bottles and even, putting so many clothes in the washer-dryer. I am aware that not many Mothers have the same level of comfort that I am experiencing now and that makes me appreciate them even more. I whine all the time. Guilty as charged! And then I think about the people who live in my previous apartment on P. Remedio St. in barangay Banilad, Mandaue City… I couldn’t help but be ashamed of myself.
The last seven days has been humbling too. Cleaners come here every other day and I get to practice my rustic Mandarin with them. They got to practice their English with me too. Oh, they are life savers! Without them, there will be no semblance of order in this unit. I am thinking of gathering them twice every month and teach them English. Maybe we can even read some poetry or do some book share. Maybe in a month.
I also learned more about myself in the last seven days. Yesterday, I decided to take on the effort of putting make up and dressing up so I will be inspired and motivated to take on the day’s challenge of being a full-time Mom. Typing “full-time Mom” is still strange. Since college graduation in 2007, I was either working full time or studying full time so it feels weird to be finally embracing that. I learned that you have to put on extra effort to look good so you will feel good. I learned that happiness is not a goal. It is a by-product of the things that you do on a daily basis.
Reading to the twins has been challenging with them eating and tearing pages of the books I brought along here in Guangzhou. But it’s fun especially when I read a Cebuano story to them. I learned from Noam Chomsky that young children can learn up to four or five languages. That’s just downright incredible! I speak to them in English and Cebuano and sometimes, Mandarin. Jeff speaks to them in English (he is a full-blooded Italian but doesn’t speak the language). I learned Spanish and French and though I am far from fluent, I can certainly get by. I am taking up my Masters in Language and Literacy Education in August and that gives me something to look forward to. Hopefully when the dust settles – if it will ever settle – I can continue working on the book that I have set aside for a year now. I still have to finish a report for a Family Planning project and write five more articles for a part-time writing job.
Exciting times and I have nothing but positive outlook in the things to come. It’s been a week since making that big move from Cebu to Guangzhou and while I can say that I do miss the place where I have carved personal and professional connections, I am thrilled to start new beginnings and new adventures in this city I will soon call home.
Now, back to changing diapers.
P.S.: A wonderful nine months to Nicholas and Antoinette! We love you! 🙂
