SINGAPORE – It’s a strange thing to come “home” without the mutant smell.
It’s our third day here in Singapore, a trip taken for a couple of reasons one of which is because Jeff and I are celebrating our birthdays. We’re born on the same birth month.
This is a happy time, I know but it’s just different to end the day without smelling my mutants.
You see, there lived three mutants in our home. Their names are: Nicholas Louis, Antoinette Elena, and Jeffrey Peter Jr.
And yes, I smell them.
They have all sorts of individual abilities, each one good at something. There are two superpowers that they share though: Destroy-the-house-from-all-our-running-and-playing Ultra-Mega Waves and Eat-like-there-is-no-tomorrow Super Speed.
Since the big move to the Philippines, I have given up the task of changing diapers because… I am so freaking tired of diapers!
My parenting task now revolves around making sure that they learn because as I often mentioned, we’re trying our hand and head at homeschooling.
The idea of homeschooling is romantic but a working mother can’t do it all. I try to but there are days that I’m just exhausted I cannot literally lift a finger. Now, I wish I can be a stay-at-home mother. And then I remember how I was as a stay-at-home mother and I think… I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mother. Or maybe I want to because Ate Joy is there to help me out.
You know it’s funny how I love to go to my children’s room right now and force them to wake up with my hugs and kisses. Then they wake up and start going nuts because they want to sing the Expedition Song from Winnie the Pooh with the beating of the drums, marching and clapping. By this time, I would be so tired, I’d tell them to lay down and rest.
But they won’t.
Oh yeah… this is karma, Cris.
It’s the digital era, karma happens fast.
I will be lying if I write that I manage my children. Because the truth is: I don’t. It’s Ate Joy who does that. I’m not happy about it.
Every single day I have Mom Guilt. At some point, I realized that JJ is closer to Ate Joy than me.
I was not jealous.
It was just a painful realization.
So for many nights, I brought JJ to bed. He slept on my chest and in between Jeff and me. In the morning, he wakes up smiling because “Hey Mom, it’s you! Good morning!”
But sleeping while cradling JJ is just one thing.
I realized I need to be with my children during their active time. I need to be there when they play, sing and eat. I need to be there when they are awake because they need their mother to interact with them. I need to talk with them more, scribble lines and write on the walls with them and dance with them more often.
This is why I have committed to spend more quality time with them every day. Beyond the regular 10-minute reading session, I made a solemn promise to take them out of the house at least for 10 minutes everyday to explore and observe the world.
A week ago, I also checked out the “park” that my friend Hendri Go mentioned which is located behind City Square Mall in Consolacion, Cebu.
It is THERE!
Children were climbing acacia trees and I saw a family with their basket of food at around 2:00 in the afternoon.
I will take them there next when I get back in Cebu.
Here goes the truth: I am guilty of being a passive parent.
Others will contest this saying I am more hands on than other mothers they know. But as a mother, I feel that I can do more than what I am doing now. Being a more active parent – the kind of parent who drops everything to focus on what Nick has to say about a book, the kind of parent who helps Toni choose her dress for the day, the kind of parent who sings songs with JJ – is a lot of work and that’s parenthood. It does change you because you have to think of your children’s well-being.
In a discussion with my brother, the mutants’ Uncle Hendrix, we agreed that children never asked their parents to be born in this world. It was them (parents) who physically made children with the grace and blessing of God. Therefore, the parents have the innate responsibility to take their roles seriously and wholeheartedly.
Not all of us can be efficient parents. Goodness that takes a lot of work and focus! I envy mothers who can organize Pinterest-inspired birthday parties.
But the first step is not about being efficient. That’s the Utopian goal, I think.
What we can do for now is to be active parents. We can choose to play active roles in our children’s lives.
Perhaps, after that, we will become efficient and then… maybe, just maybe, we become effective in this most challenging job the world has made for humankind.
