What to say to your husband when an accident happens to your child during his watch

Nicholas’ scream woke me up at 7:00 a.m. on that Sunday, June 8.

The scream was beyond the average daily decibel level that his crying voice normally produces.

I know something was wrong.

I counted five seconds and then, I heard Jeff calling me: “Cris, Cris! Please wake up. Something happened.”

I literally leaped out of the bed to check what happened.

I first saw that the twins’ cribs were separated. Jeff was right in between them, bending down to pick Nicholas up. Antoinette was staring at them, probably bewildered at the sound and sight she heard and witnessed.

And then, I saw my little boy. Blood oozing from his left eyelid. He was screaming, crying, arms wide open, reaching out to me. He was calling me: “Mama! Mama!”

“What happened?” I asked Jeff.

“I opened his crib to pick him up to change his diaper but he fell off the crib,” Jeff responded.

I didn’t know what to do. I was barely awake.

But the moment Nicholas’ head touched my shoulder, he stopped crying. I think he cried for less than a minute and then, he started to smile, just when tears started to flow from my eyes.

I have never been this afraid for another person. Several thoughts crossed my mind:

Will Nick go blind?

What’s the emergency number for the hotel’s hospital?

Is there any first aid treatment?

Jeff said: “Press this cold towel on the wound. I’ll go down to the fifth floor.”

I nodded. The fifth floor is where the Can-Am Hospital is located. We live on the 19^th floor.

Jeff returned after five minutes.

“It’s no use. They want us to go to another hospital,” said Jeff.

By that time, Nick appeared to be completely okay. He was playing with Toni. His wound was no longer bleeding. But we had to make sure that he is fine and there are no concussions. And there was the wound, it needs to be treated. I thought: He needs antibiotics to prevent infection and maybe, some ointment.

Jeff: “We’ll take him to Dr. Ong.”

Dr. Ong is a Singaporean doctor practicing in Guangzhou. Jeff knew him for more than 10 years now. He considers Dr. Ong as his medical confidant.

“Okay,” I said and looked at him.

That’s when I saw my husband for the first time that morning. He sat down on one of the dining chairs – head bowed down, a worried expression on his face. Our short dialogues that morning flashed before me and it was only then that I felt that there were hints of fear in his voice.

My husband was scared.

I realized that in the two-hour stretch that we were dealing with Nick’s accident, I didn’t ask him how he felt. I realized that he felt so bad and maybe, on the verge of blaming himself for what happened.

Before he falls into that stage, I walked up to him and told him: “Jeff, I am not blaming you for what happened. Nobody wants that to happen. Accidents do happen. It was not your fault.”

He hugged me and started to cry.

Yes, Jeff cries. And I love him more for that.

“It’s terrible, you know. Something happened to Nick during my watch. But it was not planned. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to our children,” he said, in between sobs.

Then he said: “Thank you, Cris. Thank you.”

We went to Dr. Ong and Nicholas never cried (not even a squeal or a squeak) when the doctor cleaned his wound and applied the ointment. We were told the wound was superficial and should heal after five days. He prescribed antibiotic syrup (strawberry flavored which Nicholas liked very much) and ointment. Thank you, Heavenly Father!

Antoinette was very supportive of her brother and we were surprised how giving she was during that day – even holding his bottle for him.

My nurse friend, Lamar Legaspi, told me that accidents, like what happened to our Nicholas, are pretty common in emergency rooms. A lot of things happen to toddlers/children and while most of the time the kids cry, it’s the parent(s) who are more emotional than the kid.

That was definitely my case.

But I write this entry not to talk about me – the hysterical, over emotional mother – but to highlight the importance of making your partner feel that it was not his fault. Jeff is the most careful man in the world – even more safety conscious than I am – and I know he took utmost care to make sure that the twins are safe. I think the same thing applies for family members – or even househelpers/nannies – whom we know are extra careful and extra loving in “handling” our children.

Of course, the story is different when you know for a fact (and from your gut-feel) that some form of neglect was committed pre-accident.

Below are photos of that day (June 8) when Nicholas had his first major accident (I call it that way because it involved going to the doctor):

On our way to the doctor:

With his Daddy:

The understanding twin sister waiting for his brother:

I was too scared for Nick when the doctor cleaned his wound so I wasn’t able to take photos or videos, but here’s Nicholas after our trip to the doctor’s clinic: