I seldom write about faith and religion in this blog so for this post, let me just talk about Maria Elena Berdin Lato, my Mother, and the lessons I learned from her on being a good Catholic.
I grew up in a Catholic family; the kind that goes to Holy Mass every Sunday; observes the days of obligation; fasts and abstains on Holy Weeks; attends the annual Flores de Mayo (Flowers of May) in honor of the Blessed Virgin Mary; and prays the Novena to different patron saints for specific intentions.
The family where I come from are composed of lectors & cantors, acolytes, catechists, members of the Legions of Mary, and choir members. I can’t remember any relative who is a priest or a nun but I do have an uncle who wanted to become a priest but a grandfather discouraged him to enter the seminary because the “bloodline won’t continue” if he follows his heart.
I read my first prayers of the faithful when I was eight years old. My Mom wrote them and I read them during the Holy Mass for the fiesta celebration in our barangay (village).
(Cultural note: A barangay, also known as barrio, is the smallest administrative division in the Philippines. It is the Philippine equivalent to a ward or a village.)
I went on to become a choir member, a lector, a member of the Legion of Mary. And like my lola (grandmother), my aunts, and my mother, I prayed the rosary and the novena.
I still do.
When I was pregnant with the twins, I said my novena prayers to:
- St. Gerard of Majella (Patron Saint of Expectant Mothers);
- St. Vincent Ferrer (Patron Saint of Builders);
- Our Mother of Perpetual Help;
- St. Anne (Mother of the Blessed Virgin Mary and Patron Saint of Pregnant Mothers);
- St. Paulina (Patron Saint of People with Diabetes); and
- St. Joseph (Patron saint of Fathers).
To some people, praying to these saints is a form of fanaticism. I’ve been asked several times: “Why do you have to pray to these saints when you can pray to Heavenly Father directly?”
Miss Olive Jabido, a former colleague at the Philippine Business for Social Progress, answered this question in the most endearing way. She said: “It always helps to have allies. The saints are our allies, they are our messengers to God, who will help us ‘pressure’ God to listen to our prayers, so to speak. They repeat our requests to Heavenly Father.”
Okay, so pressure may be too strong a word… but do you get my point? Or am I just blabbing nonsense here?
Let me explain it this way:
Novenas are not formula prayers to me because I don’t just read them; I feel them. I also add my personal prayers and requests – and I talk to God like he’s my confidant. I openly discuss anything to him even the little things that frustrate me such as, but not limited to, my husband’s inability to put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
My Mom is the most prominent Catholic figure in my life; not the Pope, not the priest. Why? Because I saw her everyday, I learned from her examples, I saw how she dealt with people. From her, I learned eight lessons about being a good Catholic. So even if we disagree on several matters and fight more than we say nice things to each other when we lived under the one roof, I am grateful to her for teaching me these lessons:
(1) Don’t stop praying.
Praying is a habit. It’s not something that you do just because you need to ask God to give you money or to grant you a good-looking boyfriend. My Mom always told me to start my prayer with a thank you. Thank the Lord for the fact that you’re still alive, the air you breath, the laughter you shared with friends, the taxi driver who brought you home safe, the food on your table. Thank him even for your toothache because it goes to show that your nerves are working for you to feel pain. My Mom taught me to pray for people even those who have done you wrong. Tough thing to do, I know.
(2) Pray + work
I went to a Benedictine school from Grade 1 to half a semester of Grade 3 in the city of Lapu-Lapu in Cebu, Philippines. In high school, I went to another Benedictine school in Ormoc City, Leyte, still in the Philippines. A Benedictine motto that most students know about is the Latin phrase Ora et Labora (or pray and work). Back then it was just one of those phrases that students don’t have any choice but to “know” with because they are enrolled in a Catholic school and they see it almost everywhere. But as I grow older, I learned from my Mom that praying + working is a potent combination for your dreams and aspirations to come true. I’ve learned from her that faith without works is dead. James 2:26 says: “For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead.”
So if you pray about finding a good man to be your life partner, also do your homework and your due diligence. Look for him too in the right places.
Pray for him. Work on finding him. Pray again. Find him.
Repeat cycle.
(3) Give.
My Mom is a giver especially to those who have very little in life. We’re not rich. I remember there were times that we won’t even have enough money to buy rice (which is a staple food for any Filipino family) but whenever someone knocks on our door to ask for “donation”, Mom has something for them. She never hesitates to give. She shares what she has and is a happy giver. She shells out her own money for church activities and sponsors fellow catechists who don’t have enough funds to go on trainings. And during the time of abundance, she never fails to give back to the church. There are times when she goes overboard and my siblings and I have to blow the referee whistle to control her. She goes by the saying that “it’s better to give than to receive”.
(4) Not all Christians are nice but be nice to them anyway.
Even the ones who serve in church can be the nastiest people. They can be the ultimate rumormongers, the people who practice crab mentality, the ones who won’t be happy to see you succeed. I hear a lot about these types of people from her stories. There are times Mom would stand her ground and pick a battle or two to put these “Nasties” in their places. But generally, she is nice and cordial.
She is well loved by her peers. No wonder she always gets elected to be part of different church-based committees and lead religious efforts to spread the word of God.
(5) Don’t be afraid to ask.
In our small church community in Leyte, everyone knows each other. People know even the name of your great grandfather’s father. So when there is a need to ask the parishioners for donations, my Mom is almost always the person who is tapped to lead solicitation efforts. That means knocking on every door in our small village to ask people for pledges and donations.
My mother believes that you should never be afraid to ask especially that you know where the money or the donation goes. I was able to apply this lesson in the various community projects and advocacies I was and am involved in. Don’t be afraid to ask especially when you believe in the cause and you work hard to deliver the best solutions to any challenging issue.
(6) Fiesta celebration is not just about the party, the booze, and the food.
We, Filipinos, are known to be the best organizers of events. Fiesta celebrations top bills this list of the ultimate parties we have thrown. The amount of food and booze we prepare, the merrymaking, the stories we share, and the time we spend with friends and family members are just way up there in the meter that measures F-U-N! As a teenager, I was drawn to this part of fiesta celebration. It’s difficult not to get tempted when merrymaking everywhere. All eyes shift to the carnival, the disco parties, the dining table. But Mom would always repeat these lines to us: “This celebration is happening because we are honoring our patron saint. Never forget to go to church, say your prayers, attend the Holy Mass, and say ‘thank you’. Never be too distracted by earthly things because at the end of the day, those alone won’t make you happy.”
Wise words that I remember up to this day.
(7) Open your doors to those who are in need.
My youngest brother once told me that my Mom welcomed a group of people from a certain tribe/indigenous group inside our home. Everyone in the entire neighborhood was shocked because Mom fed them, gave them clothes, and they went home with food and clothes.
I asked Mom if she wasn’t afraid to let people in. “Of course I was suspicious at first. But I know they were really hungry. But to be safe, I asked some of our neighbors to stay alert just in case,” she said. ”
But the point is”, she went on to explain, “you don’t turn people away because they don’t wear nice clothes or they don’t speak the same language that you do. Your doors should be wide open for those who are in need.”
“I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me” Matthew 25:40
- Mommy at the Negros Museum in Negros Occidental. I was four months pregnant with the twins when I traveled with her from Cebu to Bacolod and back.
(8) Embrace people from other religions.
When my Mom was teaching Catechism in a public high school, she had students from different religious denominations.
She was never indifferent to any of them. She did not separate the Catholic students from the non-Catholics. In fact, she took special care of them, careful that they will not be offended in her classes. She was and still is very ecumenical.
When these students passed by our house, they would always greet my Mom, whom they refer to as “Tita Inday” or Aunt Inday.
My Mom was a very hardworking catechist: she studied her lessons fervently, prepared her visual aids, and carried out her lesson plan with a passion that is way fiercer than any registered or licensed teacher. She remembered her students when she goes food shopping. She bought them chocolates because she gives them away as prizes to those who do well in class. She was even asked to stand as a principal sponsor for the wedding of a student who is a a Seventh Day Adventist.
I learned from my Mom that differences in religion should not divide us from each other. If anything, she said, the difference in religion should tell us is that we are blessed to be with people who don’t agree with us all the time because life is more exciting.
I have friends from different religious denominations and I am married to a Man who is not a Catholic. Is that an issue? Nope. Not at all.
It was my Mom who inculcated in me the culture of acceptance and tolerance towards people who don’t go to the same church as I do.
Mom @ 48
My Mom was only 18 years old when she got pregnant with yours truly. Four days after I was born, she turned 19 (yep! we share the same birth month. Cool huh?). I grew up with my Mom and while it was not an easy ride, as there were more bumps and humps than smooth concrete, I am proud to say that we have become better versions of ourselves because of all those bumps and humps.
I sure don’t like her sometimes but I love her most of the time.
So Maria Elena, on your 48th birthday, I would like you to know that you’ve been a wonderful example of how this daughter of yours should continue living her life as a Catholic.
Thank you for bringing me to church, for facilitating my baptism and confirmation, for giving me my Catholic name, and for raising me as a Catholic. While there are challenges that this faith brings, I am sure that we can always surpass them and continue to stand tall and proud because we are blessed with a great God who makes the impossible possible.
