5 ways to involve the hubby when you're preggy

In all honesty, this second pregnancy feels like our first as a couple. That’s because during my first pregnancy (a twin pregnancy!), Jeff and I were living in two different countries (him in China and I in the Philippines) so Jeff has very little hands-on experience on how I was like when I was pregnant. So for this post, I outlined five ways on how, like me, you can involve the hubby when you’re preggy.

The first pregnancy was travel-intensive. We were living two separate lives. Imagine how many times we have to fly back and forth every year to be with each other. Some months he travels to Cebu; other months I fly to China until such time that the airlines didn’t allow me to board the plane because I was already beyond 32 weeks into the pregnancy.

So this second pregnancy is like our first experience as a couple. He heard how much I whined from back pains. He saw how I struggled with getting up after picking up something on the floor. He saw how difficult it is to sleep in the last semester of this pregnancy because the my big belly is getting in the way. I was so used to getting a massage while pregnant and having family members close by to help me with anything so this pregnancy is really a struggle for me.

I was not conscious about aggressively involving my husband in this pregnancy because he is naturally a caring and gentle person, who is, in most cases, sensitive to my needs. But I realized that I have specific needs in my pregnancy that I have to directly tell him because my husband is not a mind reader. Men can be clueless about this and it is up to the pregnant wives to start the ball rolling and engage them.

The following are some of the activities in this pregnancy that involved my husband which I found effective not only for the positive development of this pregnancy, but also to our relationship.

1. Take him to childbirth classes.

I was in two other countries in the duration of this pregnancy before we moved here in the US to continue my child-bearing case and eventually, my delivery. One thing I really appreciate about healthcare here is the amount of free childbirth education classes that expectant mothers/couples can attend to educate themselves about labor, breastfeeding, delivery methods, and just about anything that involves pregnancy and childbirth. I signed up for four childbirth classes. Jeff and I attended one last July on “medications and C-section”. A nurse from the neonatal intensive care unit of the Kalispell Regional Medical Center was there to talk us through the entire process. Handouts were given on the different stages of labor, the medications available, among other things. She was also very open to answer questions about anything. An anesthesiologist joined us towards the end of the talk to tell us more about the medications and options available in the hospital.

Jeff was very active during the July class. He asked all sorts of questions including: “How painful is it to give birth?” I had to put his question into context because I did not experience any labor pains with the twins. I had an emergency c-section. The lady, also on her second pregnancy, to my right said it was the most painful feeling she ever had in her entire life. That response generated nervous looks from the couple (first timers) to our right.

We had to, of course, hire a babysitter to look after the twins while we were on that class. But it was all worth it. The class was only two hours long but when we got out of the classroom, Jeff told me: “Wow, that was really informative. Thank you for letting me join you.”

2. Go shopping for baby’s essentials with him.

I am a slacker in this second pregnancy. I only started shopping for baby’s essentials last July. I was too lazy to move around. Well, one of the reasons for my relative laziness in the baby shopping department is that I also learned a couple of lessons from my first pregnancy (in which I started shopping at two months) that it is not financially sound to get overexcited and buy everything all at once. There were major purchases during the first pregnancy: a giant crib (that can fit two babies), two strollers (which I shouldn’t have bought that early), dozens and dozens of burp cloths, bibs, receiving blankets, hooded towels, and washcloths, and carry cots. When I told Jeff about the amount we need for these purchases, he said: “What?! It’s that expensive?” I understand my husband, baby’s essentials are not the most affordable items in the market. He gave the money anyway and I was able to go shopping. But I learned a valuable lesson in this second pregnancy: when I go shipping for baby’s essentials he NEEDS to come with me.

Why?

So that he sees and experiences first hand how much all these things really cost. in this second pregnancy, I also involved him in he decision-making process of buying bassinets, changing tables, and even, onesies. He told me the city has a Goodwill Store which we can go to and check. I was more than open (and excited! to the idea) because I have never been to a Goodwill Store in the US. From the previous pregnancy, I learned that not everything should be brand new, and not all that is expensive is durable. We discovered several good finds at the Goodwill Store including a $5 bassinet. Yes!!! Five dollars! We also found linens, receiving blankets, bibs and onesies bearing affordable prices, which could be collectively very expensive if we purchased them brand new. Of course, we do not want to short change the new baby and exchange safety for cheap prices so we went to Walmart and checked out a lot of the essentials there too. I bought some onesies, blankets, baby tub, changing pad, and other items there. And every single time I put one item in the cart, I make sure that Jeff knows the price.

It’s a team effort. Nobody should be left behind. I personally don’t want him to check our joint account online and scream: “CRIS! Why did you purchase a $800 crib?!”

3. Teach him massage or send him to a massage class.

As I said, I am so used to getting a massage – pregnant or not. It’s a necessity for me. I grew up with asthma and in the Philippines, one of the best remedies that my grandmother applied to an asthmatic child was to bring her to a masseuse on a weekly basis. I always feel better after that.

Massage is a great treat to pregnant women what with the aching muscles, tired shoulders, and lower back pains. I wanted to get a prenatal massage every week here but I cannot justify $70 for a one-hour massage when I compare it to the $5/hour service that I used to pay in the Philippines. Do not even argue with me about economies of scale or the difference in the economic situation of the USA and the Philippines. I won’t have none of it! Simply put, I find the prices of prenatal massage in the USA so expensive that I decided to do something drastic; something that Jeff doesn’t like to do but something that he NEEDS to do.

I taught him how to give a massage.

I’m not a licensed massage therapist. But I did attend lectures and workshops on Swedish shiatsu and aromatherapy. How do I know these things? It was one of those workshops I got to attend for free as a full-time news reporter back in 2008 and was able to learn steps like effleurage, kneading, knotting, and cupping. My brother, Hendrix, is an acupuncture and massage enthusiast who would share his expertise to us after interviewing his masseuse. So that helped too.

So… I know a thing or two about massage – and I used them to teach Jeff. I tried to encourage him to view Youtube videos but I don’t know if he complied. Suffice to say that he learned which parts of my back really hurt. He complains about his sore fingers and I taught him to use his elbows. Back in the Philippines, I used several brands of heating liquid (Efficascent Oil, Omega Painkiller Liniment, Pau de Arco’s Pau Masaje) and they are my bestfriends. But they are absent in the shelves of most supermarkets here. Efficascent Oil and Omega Painkiller Liniment are on Amazon but I tried to find alternatives, which we can easily find in supermarkets. The first one was Bengay Ultra Strength but I didn’t like it that much because it wasn’t hot and didn’t relieve the pain on my back. We found Equate Ultra Strength Pain Relieving Cream (also sold at Walmart) and that did it for me! It’s now my bestfriend. I also ordered my favorite Massage Oil from Human Heart Nature. (I will write a separate post on massage oils and heating lotions that works for back pains, which may help you too, if you’re pregnant and miserable with the back pains.)

Make sure to pair up these oils and lotion with your husband’s touch.

4. Take short walks.

After-dinner walks is now a habit in our family. We started doing this four weeks ago when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes in this second pregnancy (I had gestational diabetes in my first pregnancy too). It was an advice made by my diabetes specialist and registered dietitian, Grace. She said that it usually helps to bring the blood sugar level down when one does 10-15 minute walk after a meal. Our short walks last between 15 to 20 minutes. In these walks, we met a neighbor named Steve who invited us to go over his garden and picked raspberries. He also gave us eggs. Good guy!

Most of these walks are spent with our twin children so it has become a family activity. Aside from getting our much-needed exercise, one of the most significant outcomes of these walks is the time we spend with each other talking about anything and everything under the sun. We check the mailbox and share excitements over mails being sent to us (well, not the bills! Ha!). We also discovered a little free library (more on this in a separate post) which made my librarian/reader heart really happy.

I believe that these walks make Jeff and I closer to each other. We hold hands when we walk. Sometimes, we don’t talk – and that is one of the moments I cherish the most. You know the person you love is just there but you don’t need words to express how you feel for each other. Walking side by side each other is enough.

5. Get him to join your preggy diet.

Now this one is tricky and I will spend considerable amount of space to defend and explain this part.

I have gestational diabetes while Jeff has Type 2 diabetes. After giving birth to the twins, my gestational diabetes was gone. Puff! Nada! I was back to being my active self. Then, this second pregnancy happened and I said “hello” to gestational diabetes again. My sugar consumption got worse when we moved around the end of May 2015. The new home has an oven and I was able to bake again. Everyday, I baked something: chocolate-banana cake, pineapple upside down cake, blueberry muffins, fudge brownies, peach-mango cobbler. I eat them, of course. Then my blood sugar level just went up. My OB/GYN had to refer me to the Diabetes Care Center. I was taught how to do carb counting and was REMINDED to work on my pregnancy diet again.

So this is where Jeff joins me in the picture.

Back in China, before I came to his life, he was drinking six cans of Coke everyday. He was extremely overweight and was told by his doctor that he will have a heart attack any time if he doesn’t change his habit. I met him when he was in the middle of implementing a lifestyle change. I told him to choose: me or Coca-Cola. You can guess he chose well. He added bike riding in his fitness regiment and lost 15 to 20 pounds since then. But… like me, when we moved here last May, he was reintroduced to Milk Duds, Milky Way, and Popsicle Sticks (treats he wasn’t able to get in China). So yes, he consumed them endlessly. Until one day I told him that he should go with me to the Diabetes Center and he replied: “I don’t care about diabetes right now.” That statement upset me and sent me to a zone where I waged a cold war with him. It didn’t take long for him to say “sorry” for his insensitivity. Probably out of guilt at first, he joined me in my consultation with the diabetes specialist. But the next thing I know, he was working with me in planning our meals. Happy wife here!

We’re not completely sugar- or carbohydrate free. I still need them in my diet but Jeff, who joined me in that consultation, is now more conscious in the food that we consume. He cooks and is now very mindful of the ingredients that he puts into a dish. We’ve been eating more vegetables and more protein-rich food and we feel so much better. He still has to go to a doctor but I’m confident that it won’t be hard for him to adopt a new lifestyle – a healthy one – because he has started it with me. Three days ago, he told me: “I think we should stay on this healthy diet even after your pregnancy.” I nodded and had this big grin on my face. Doing things together works.